Back in about 2007, my friend d.t. took a few pictures of me pretending to play baseball at the Brighton High School Field. They were for part of a match.com montage for me produced by d.t. No names will be mentioned, but d.t.’s montage proved to be successful.
In Bill Pruitt offers “Pennant Race in the Plague Year, Or Ohtani’s Quadruple Twenty in 2020” Bill Pruitt correctly predicted a 2020 baseball season would occur. He was off by a about 50 games on how long the season will be. Little matter. Today, Bill offers a codicil.
PENNANT RACE 20 CODICIL: A SEASON OF BASEBALL WITH A PLANE TO CATCH
Is this the Youth of a Thousand Summers? Nothing changed except
they’re starting in warm weather, which benefits the pitchers
if they’re ready. (except they won’t be.) A sixty-game schedule also
helps pitching staffs, who won’t get overworked, unless
they rear like high-strung racehorses at the snake of strangeness
that is MLB in 2020. And they’re not sitting on the bench together.
And how did that runner get to second base at the beginning
of extra-inning games? You got a plane to catch?
Except a DH in the NL bodes not well.
And don’t get me started on the swoosh.
And who’s that in the stands? No one,
Except a camera. Must be Sauron.
This is not the Youth of a Thousand Summers.
This is the Crone of Counterfeit
And she’s doing her wobbly best
to make us think she’s baseball,
as one by one the players drop off
and what used to be September call up turns to triage
Or the Union throws up its hands and says No mas.
The good thing is that the athletes, modeling caution
will demonstrate to infantile fans the need to mask,
especially if one young specimen in the prime of health,
contracts the bug & dies. Game over.
There is a beneficiary of this weirdness where players
throw and swing and run and play
while trying to stay out of Covid’s way.
They will ease up on the Asstrolls,
everyone so concerned about staying healthy
they might decide to not stick it to the Houston hitters
for their garbage can lid World Series win in 17
Not that it matters in the standings, Astersisks have the curse anyway
So it plays out as we’ve told if players’ health prevails:
Card beats Braves, then get steamrolled by the jacked up Dodgers, who go 59-1.
Angels beat the Yankees in this year of Ohtani who goes 10-0
(including the playoffs), and leads the majors with 23 jacks (including the playoffs)
who hits a walk-off to break up Kershaw’s perfecto in the seventh game
of the all-LA World Series, or as it will otherwise be known,
the World Series when the FBI stopped the Queen of Hearts at gunpoint,
waiting for takeoff, screamIng OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! at the lights on the runway