Thilde in her home office [Provided by Thilde]
In Welcome Miss T, our new advice columnist, Dr. Mathilde Weems helped a lost soul dealing with rejection and unrequited love. Today, Miss T helps another reader understand both the pitfalls and possibilities of idealization.
Please send questions to [email protected]. Teal Thilde writes; “Don’t be shy, send in your quandary and/or suggestions for movie and book reviews related to psychology. Kindly refrain from political stuff.”
Dear Miss T
From afar, I am in love with a journalist in my town. I read all his insightful articles and see him always talking around town whether at an art gallery, a museum, a sporting event, a literary talk, a chic restaurant, a celebrity mixer, a parade or a political rally.
While he’s often surrounded by a bevy of the most beautiful women of our town, I’m not sure he’s in a serious relationship. I think he’s the lonely brooding artist type. I am pretty sure he’s not gay.
My problem is that I am a shy girl. I don’t have the nerve to approach him and wouldn’t know what to say. Do you have any stalking suggestions?
The clues to the answer are in your question. Let me just say, first off, that stalking is illegal and is unlikely to end well. You describe him as a charismatic and moody social butterfly who enjoys the attention of women. Regardless of whether he is “available” or not, it appears that you have already put him on a pedestal from which he can only fall. We all have the tendency to idealize those whom we don’t really know. The problem with that is that fantasy can become obsession. It is possible that he has ignited your imagination which could stimulate your own creative expression. In that sense, it’s a good thing to feel alive. Maybe you are a writer also? Start journaling. Get out and meet other people.
I would suggest that the next time you see him in public, say hello and tell him that you admire his work. Observe his response and take it from there.