Miss T gives sage advice in her second answer

Miss T gives sage advice in her second answer

Thilde in her home office [Provided by Thilde]

In Welcome Miss T, our new advice columnist, Dr. Mathilde Weems helped a lost soul dealing with rejection and unrequited love. Today, Miss T helps another reader understand both the pitfalls and possibilities of idealization.

Please send questions to [email protected]Teal Thilde writes; “Don’t be shy, send in your quandary and/or suggestions for movie and book reviews related to psychology. Kindly refrain from political stuff.”

Dear Miss T

From afar, I am in love with a journalist in my town. I read all his insightful articles and see him always talking around town whether at an art gallery, a museum, a sporting event, a literary talk, a chic restaurant, a celebrity mixer, a parade or a political rally.

While he’s often surrounded by a bevy of the most beautiful women of our town, I’m not sure he’s in a serious relationship. I think he’s the lonely brooding artist type. I am pretty sure he’s not gay.

My problem is that I am a shy girl. I don’t have the nerve to approach him and wouldn’t know what to say. Do you have any stalking suggestions?

Star Struck

Could this be the journalist in question? From “It’s enough to put a bag over our heads”

Dear SS,

The clues to the answer are in your question. Let me just say, first off, that stalking is illegal and is unlikely to end well. You describe him as a charismatic and moody social butterfly who enjoys the attention of women. Regardless of whether he is “available” or not, it appears that you have already put him on a pedestal from which he can only fall. We all have the tendency to idealize those whom we don’t really know. The problem with that is that fantasy can become obsession. It is possible that he has ignited your imagination which could stimulate your own creative expression. In that sense, it’s a good thing to feel alive. Maybe you are a writer also? Start journaling. Get out and meet other people.

I would suggest that the next time you see him in public, say hello and tell him that you admire his work. Observe his response and take it from there.

Stay grounded,

Miss T

Thilde Weems, Brown University Yearbook, Liber Brunensis, 1990. From Welcome Miss T, our new advice columnist


Welcome Miss T, our new advice columnist

On Match.com and niche dating sites

About The Author


Welcome to Talker of the Town! My name is David Kramer. I have a Ph.D in English and teach at Keuka College. I am a former and still active Fellow at the Nazareth College Center for Public History and a Storyteller in Residence at the SmallMatters Institute. Over the years, I have taught at Monroe Community College, the Rochester Institute of Technology and St. John Fisher College. I have published numerous Guest Essays, Letters, Book Reviews and Opinion pieces in The New York Times, Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, the Buffalo News, the Rochester Patriot, the Providence Journal, the Providence Business News, the Brown Alumni Magazine, the New London Day, the Boston Herald, the Messenger Post Newspapers, the Wedge, the Empty Closet, the CITY, Lake Affect Magazine and Brighton Connections. My poetry appears in The Criterion: An International Journal in English and Rundenalia and my academic writing in War, Literature and the Arts and Twentieth Century Literary Criticism. Starting in February 2013, I wrote for three Democratic and Chronicle  blogs, "Make City Schools Better," "Unite Rochester," and the "Editorial Board." When my tenure at the D & C  ended, I wanted to continue conversations first begun there. And start new ones.  So we created this new space, Talker of the Town, where all are invited to join. I don’t like to say these posts are “mine.” Very few of them are the sole product of my sometimes overheated imagination. Instead, I call them partnerships and collaborations. Or as they say in education, “peer group work.” Talker of the Town might better be Talkers of the Town. The blog won’t thrive without your leads, text, pictures, ideas, facebook shares, tweets, comments and criticisms.


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